Written by: Brennan Davis
--
Seriously, I have two last names for my first. It’s just
Lincoln Wilde. My mom and dad never gave me a middle name, but with a full name
like Lincoln Wilde Wagner it’s a good thing they didn’t! It sounds weird to a
lot of people, but I think it's cool because I’m named after a famous
president, wacky Irish author and German composer.
The thing that's not cool is that sometimes I get the
feeling I'm not the only one in charge of my body. And I'm not talking about my
mom asking me if I've brushed every tooth for 33 seconds, or my sister yelling
at me about her rights as a teenager, and how that somehow means she never has
to do the dishes.
No, I mean like there are things inside of me, little
beings hustling back and forth giving orders and making life weird for me
sometimes.
For example, one day Jarvis Jasper (I know, you would think
people would make fun of HIS name too) accidentally punched me in no-contact
football in PE and I blacked out for 3 minutes. I only met the brain that time,
and he didn't seem too worried.
But, another day was totally different. I remember it
clearly. I was lying down on the soft green grass lawn in our school's recess
ground and I saw this cloud that looked like a heart. And not the Valentine's
day heart you might be thinking about, but the real one, the one that pumps
non-stop. And suddenly, I didn't know where I was!
It was the strangest trip I've taken so far.
I opened my eyes and was instantly pushed by a fiercely red
platelet (at least that's what I heard someone yelling in the background) into
the heart's muscular wall. “Watch out nincompoop! I'm trying to get to the
lungs, move out of the way!” Sheesh, it was hectic wherever I was.
Everybody seemed to know what and where they were going, and
looking around with confused eyes the size of dinner plates it didn't take me
long to find the boss. He seemed overworked, but turned happy and boastful when
I asked him where I was and why he was yelling so much.
“SON!” he roared, all
the while patting a sad blue platelet on the back or slapping a bright red daydreaming
platelet in the face, “this is no picnic! You think I have it easy up here like
the gallbladder and appendix's lives? They help pass things around, but when
the day's done, your body doesn't need them!”
“We never stop working, and if it weren't for the emotional
roller-coaster I have to keep in check, I would be a lot happier. I pump these
lazy good-for-nothing platelets all day, every day, 24/7, no matter what. Even
when you're sleeping I'm working this cardiac muscle!”
“But excuse me sir, I just wanted to...”
“No buts to me young man. You want me to keep your body
systems full of blood? You want me to feed the brain, lungs, intestines, liver,
stomach and everything else and not stop? Then you better move on, whered’ju
say you were going?”
“Ummm, I didn’t say an….”
”Hey! You, aorta, keep moving those platelets, and take this
kid up to see the brain, he’s been expecting him. Make sure to run your
arteries nice and clean ONE WAY, don’t let any of those platelets coming back
to me in veins get mixed up. Then we’ll have serious problems. Alright, off you
go, we wouldn’t want that uppity brain getting impatient with us down here in
the center of the body. He’s somehow involved in everything, some sort of
control center for the nervous center he calls it. Bah, does he pump blood to
the capillaries in the fingers? No, who does that you might ask?....”
And just like that I was whooshed through the aorta near my
own neck and suddenly came to a floating halt in a room crowded with numbers,
thoughts and smells. It seemed eerily familiar from the time I blacked out, but
I tried not to think about it. There were so many rooms and places to go in the
room I didn’t even know where to begin.
“Ahhhh, so you’ve deigned to come and visit me again, have
you young man? And tell me, are you satisfied with my performance? Am I
controlling the systems to your liking? Come on, speak up young man! Are you
here to complain about that pesky digestive system passing gas on you in the
middle of a test? Or even burping in front of Mrs. Bedford when she asked you
how your lunch was? I’ve already reprimanded the digestive system for that, and
then I always have to keep a close eye out on that stomach, who knows what
he’ll try and burn up this time with his acid. I mean, come on, even though I’m
75% water, I still have almost 33 billion neurons firing huh? Which reminds
me...”
“Wait! Slow down, I was just shot up here by the heart, he
said you would be expecting me?”
“Ah yes, about that. Look Lincoln. All us systems in here
enjoy how you’re progressing and all, but I have to tell you, we’re not getting
enough information. I mean, from me to you, haha! From ME to YOU, I AM you,
anyway. I have a lot of space to fill with trivia, statistics, facts, opinions,
etc. and frankly, you’re not giving it to me fast enough. Just look at these
rooms, how empty they are! My synapses are lightning fast and some people say I
am capable of 70,000 thoughts per day! Can you believe that? I’ll also keep
growing at least until you’re 18 years old, think of how powerful I could be!
“So, you think you could challenge me a bit? Push the
limits? Get more answers? Take risks! Now there’s a good boy…ah, the lungs are
calling you, threatening to cut off my oxygen levels if they don’t get to speak
with you. Unfortunately I can’t live without oxygen, though I’m hesitant to
tell them that, so you should go appease those two sacs of hot air. See you
again soon, Lincoln? Remember, inquire and make me stronger, I like to work out
like muscles too you know!”
And those were the last words I heard my brain speak to me
that day, before I landed with a squishy squashy sound in what can only be
described as a huge breathing bag of blood. Now don’t get disgusted, these
lungs were really nice to me! I was hanging on to what they called the alveoli,
when the Mr. Living Lung Boss came and took hold of my hand. He seemed fresh
and happy.
“Glad to see you’re lying down a bit Lincoln, breathing in
that coooool fresh air. AH! Doesn’t it just make you want to jump up and down
with smiles? Oh, wait, you’re in here and out there is air and over there
is…Ah, anyway, glad you spoke to the brain, he’s the thought center around
here, I just take blood from the heart and oxygen from the windpipe
(siiiiiiiiiigh) mix ‘em all up and shoot blood full of oxygen all around the
body. Cool huh?!
Man, when you raced the other day in gym class you sure had
all of us systems working over-time! Had the circulatory, respiratory and
nervous systems going craaazy trying to get you to win that race. And win you
did young Lincoln, well done! Keep that exercise coming, without that we get
all lazy down here, you know? Exercise keeps my bloody friends over here
whooshing in and out of all your muscles and organs and with that you can grow
stronger. That’s it, that’s all I wanted to say, OH, and also, wake up! We’re
slowing down which means you’re falling asleep! (Winks an eye)
“Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln are you okay? Is something on
your mind?”
“Mrs. Bedford?”
“Yes Lincoln, I’ve been calling your name for a minute now
and you’ve been here staring up at the clouds as if you’re talking with
someone. Is something on your mind?”
“Ummm, yes, actually, what’s a synapse?”
“Now that’s an interesting question, where on earth did you
hear that?”
(Illustration note: Brain winking to himself)
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